Wanting Intense Orgasms? Why You Might Not Be Orgasming At All

by Courtney Virden

Sex can be an incredible mind, body, and soul experience that can leave you feeling joyful and fulfilled. Intense orgasms can be one of the most pleasureable experiences we have. Sex can also leave you with sensations of emptiness, which could create feelings of being detached from your body or even your partner. Some may avoid sex altogether if they don’t know what is causing them to feel anything other than greatness. Why do some people have incredible sex while others are uncomfortable, unsatisfied, or both? There are many reasons, and it may be just one or a combination of mental, emotional, and physical differences. If you are not having mind-blowing sex and intense orgasms, let’s figure out why that might be and what you can do about it. Plus listen in below, where Certified Sex Therapist Dr. Kate Balestrieri and I discuss sexual pleasure and the role of the pelvic floor. 

Mental Health and Orgasms

First, we must examine how our mental health impacts our sex life. Mental and emotional health are often confused with one another. Mental health is our ability to process information, and emotional health is our ability to be aware of and express the feelings that we have already processed. If our brain is not processing information correctly, our emotional health will most likely be impacted. This is because our brain health is vital for sexual functioning and satisfaction. Since nearly one in five people are dealing with mental health issues, this impacts many people. If you suspect your mental health is impacting your sex life, please seek out a sex therapist to help you. Many may experience performance anxiety, have anxiety disorders in general, or have other issues they need help working through.

Communication About Your Sex Life

So if our brain is processing information correctly, it is now up to us to be aware of how we feel and how to communicate that to someone else effectively. If you are unsatisfied or not enjoying sex as much as you would like, try to share that with your partner. It would be best if you always were your own advocate. If needs are not being met, sexually or otherwise, bring it to your partner’s attention.

Creating a discussion that hopefully leads to a solution you come up with together is a great start. Sometimes a partner wonders what happens when a woman is not sexually satisfied, so open dialogue is beneficial. Strong communication skills are crucial in and out of the bedroom, so it helps convey your feelings. If you or your partner needs to develop stronger communication skills, you can seek the help of a therapist. It can significantly help your sex drive and sex life and strengthen your relationship. If you have orgasm anxiety, they can assist you in working through that and, in some cases, prescribe medication to help climax for females and males.

Physical Aspect of Female Orgasms and Intense Orgasms

Let’s get down to the physical aspect and a woman’s orgasm. For a woman, an orgasm is a rhythmic contraction of the pelvic floor muscles and muscles surrounding the vagina. The pelvic floor contracts and relaxes in a rhythmic contraction. If the pelvic floor has dysfunction or imbalance in those muscles, this can significantly impact their ability to orgasm, both a vaginal orgasm and a clitoral orgasm. If a woman doesn’t have a lot of strength or the ability to relax in the pelvic floor it will often not lead to intense orgasms, if she is even climaxing at all. 

Pelvic Floor Health and the Orgasm Connection

As many as one in four women have pelvic floor dysfunction that can impact their sexual satisfaction and ability to orgasm. Many women have bladder and bowel issues, painful sex, trouble orgasming, low libido, and vaginal dryness. While some women have intense orgasms, others don’t know what an orgasm feels like and have never had an orgasm. Even without dysfunction, our pelvic floor health is vital to our sexual health. Misalignment in our pelvic floor can lead to nerve entrapment and decreased sensations. Even without symptoms, pelvic floor muscles that are too tight or overstretched can make orgasm more difficult.

Pelvic floor exercises can help women improve their ability to orgasm, have intense orgasms, and increase their overall sexual satisfaction. Pelvic floor therapy exercises help improve blood flow and help improve your chances of experiencing an orgasm. This is because the right pelvic floor exercises strengthen your pelvic floor and improve the elasticity of the pelvic floor, which, yes, can give you that “wow” sex that you’ve been desiring. Using the correct muscles when performing pelvic floor exercises is critical, and the ability to contract and relax the muscles is vital. For many, vaginal stimulation and sensation are improved through pelvic floor therapy. Then different types of orgasms have become a reality for so many who regularly do pelvic floor therapy exercises. A bonus is you can do pelvic floor therapy at home while improving your core strength.

Taking Care of Yourself

If you suspect your mental, emotional, or physical health is holding you back from having the best sex possible, I will encourage you to seek help. We all deserve to be having incredible and satisfying sex.