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Where Did My Libido Go? How to Fix It

by Courtney Virden


Too many women wonder, where did my libido go?

One thing I love about being a woman is that our sex drive increases as we age and often peaks in our 30s and 40s. If you are reading this and thinking to yourself, “Ugh, I do not want sex,” then you might be wondering where did my libido go. Luckily, there are a handful of natural ways to help increase it and address those low libido problems. Many women say they just don’t want sex. It is something I often hear, from both clients and friends.

After both of my births, I also experienced this. Sex has many health benefits.  In a relationship, a healthy or unhealthy sex drive can lead couples to different places. Having sex enhances our immune system, can improve bladder control, lowers systolic blood pressure, eases stress, improves sleep, can even count as exercise, and of course, feels incredible. So let’s go over why we are never in the mood and want to sleep instead of having sex. In addition, the things you can do to help boost your libido and enjoy all the fantastic benefits sex has to offer.


Where Did My Libido Go?

While there are many reasons why your interest in sex might be gone, let’s go over some of the common causes. Low libido is a common problem experienced by women. Some medical conditions, life situations, and medications can significantly alter your libido leaving your sex life in a major slump.



Medications Leaving You Feeling Why Can’t I Get Horny?

Medications can have the side effect of a low libido in men and women. Birth control pills can alter our hormones, causing a reduction in estrogen and or testosterone. These two hormones play a big part in how high or low our libido is. For some women, birth control pills can lower sex drive and leaves them with a low libido hormone imbalance. Additionally, for women with PCOS, low sex drive can be one of the side effects.

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), which are also used for fibromyalgia. These are some of the most commonly prescribed antidepressants, and both are shown to often lower libido. Other medications widely prescribed that can also lower your sex drive include beta-blockers, antihistamines, and some anti-seizure drugs. This leave many women searching for the best sexual enhancement pills for females. While some do turn to pills, natural ways exist to enhance and increase libido.



Other Factors for Low Libido In Women

Now that we covered medications let’s look at a few other things that can contribute to a low sex desire. Psychological factors including a lack of connection to partner, relationship problems, past sexual trauma, depression, low self-esteem, stressful life period, and anxiety. If your mental health is suffering, please contact a trained professional if you need help.

Having a baby can also greatly impact a women’s sexual desire and libido. Weight gain and a new baby during a stressful time both can make women feel insecure and stressed to the max. Many new moms are never in the mood due to lack of sleep, the feeling of being touched out, fluctuating hormones, and so much more that a new baby brings.

If you have blood sugar issues, the DHEA hormone will often manage the blood sugar problem instead of our estrogen levels. Foods and beverages can zap our sex drive too. The most common culprits are sugar, dairy, processed foods, aspartame (found in many sugar-free products and gums), trans fats, and even alcohol, except for a moderate amount of red wine, which can increase your libido.



What you can do about it:

If you suspect your birth control is the cause, you can speak with your doctor about progestin-only pills and whether they are a good fit for you. Other forms of birth control, such as condoms and non-hormonal IUDs, will not lower your libido. For other medications, there are often alternatives that will not lower libido. So, it is best to speak with your doctor about possible alternatives. Do not stop or change any medication without consulting your doctor.

Suppose you think your low sex drive is from the psychological factors discussed.  You can see a qualified therapist or pray/meditate to help relieve anxiety. Exercise (especially pelvic floor exercises and getting in touch with your body) can also help increase libido. For some, have an open and honest discussion with your partner about any issues at hand. Many are left with frustration, resentment, and more when their partners have a low sex drive, which can impact a relationship. Ensure to get sufficient sleep and adequate sunlight exposure, which also helps.



Plus Foods to Help Low Libido In Women

Diet is a great way to boost your libido naturally. Here are some foods that can help.

  • Cruciferous vegetables (broccoli, kale, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, spinach, arugula, bok choy, and radishes)
  • Dark chocolate—my favorite way
  • Proteins such as eggs, wild-caught fatty fish, and red meat
  • Green tea, improves blood flow and may even prevent cell damage
  • Fruits (bananas, figs, strawberries, black raspberries, watermelon, and avocado)

As women, we experience hormone fluctuations from age, lifestyle, and different situations. Awareness of how to naturally help our libido when needed it is important for our sexual health and satisfaction. Whether you are in a sex slump or not, incorporating some of the above changes into your life can help. This will likely increase your libido and ultimately reach orgasms. Applying these changes will stop you from wondering why am I not horny anymore to feeling turned on and ready to go.

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